Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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