I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize