It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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