i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
