break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
