You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
