Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
