mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
