I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
