were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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