hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
