Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
