Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
