I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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