I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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