you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
