Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
