My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
