I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
