I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
