bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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