i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
