how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize