I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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