hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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