You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
