$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
