He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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