i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
