and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it hurts more in the daytime
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
