Kareoke will never be a sober sport
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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