Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
