if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
