just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
