Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
