Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
