I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
