AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
