Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
