No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
