She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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