that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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