I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
