one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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