i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
