Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
