is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
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if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
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I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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