the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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