hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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