You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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