Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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