too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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