I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
