he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
