Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize