Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
