Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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