Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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