does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
