OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
