They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
