but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
