I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
