Can i not drive my cunt home
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
