what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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